No One Reads This So Why NOT!!!

I've had a lot of thoughts running through my head the last few weeks. I have no real place to talk them out but I do have this blog no one reads. I will write down the craziness in my brain and send it off to the universe to solve.

I am worried about my surgery. I am worried I might die. I think this is from watching that stupid show My 600 LB Life. You know that show where ultra fat people like me go in and have baratric surgery and then a week after surgery and several hundred pounds lost they get cocky check out of rehab and then promptly go back to what got them ultra fat in the first place and then DIE!

Yes, I know that was a run on sentence but I don't care. I've been trying really hard to make sure that doesn't happen to me. I have meet with a nutritionist a few times and I need to get a trainer for a few sessions and then work work work. I don't think anything is gonna keep me from having droopy water bed belly though. I think I'm gonna need a tummy tuck when I am done. Yippee another chance of death.

What I haven't told my husband and may not have even mentioned it to my surgeon is during my last 2 knee surgeries my heart has stopped and I had to be revived. If I told C this he would have been totally unsupportive of the surgery. As it is he isn't happy about it but is being supportive as he can.

In case someone actually reads this, yes I will mention it to my Doctor as well an the hospital staff. I'm not dumb just fat.

I don't plan on dying but I have thought about what would happen to my family if I did.... Yes, I am nervous about that!

C would need help with the kids but I hope he stays here in our home and in the life we have made for ourselves. I do not want him to run home to Mommy. I want him to man up and raise the kids like we would have had nothing happened to me. I have talked to him about that and he has agreed.

I also think about how different my life will be after the surgery. I will need all new clothes, shoes, and even a new wedding band. I am worried about the staples coming undone. I am worried about my stomach leaking. I'm worried about the acid reflux not going away (the main reason for this surgery).

I'm not gonna lie I am going to miss Coke like crazy. I've decided to quite drinking it a week before surgery so that I can get over the caffeine withdrawal before someone takes out over 90% of my stomach. (I thought only 75% but nope over 90%).

I think this is enough ramblings for now. Maybe more later.